Are we just blind?

Ive been thinking alot lately. Not that I dont think most of the time but given whats been going on these days I have lots to think about. I came from a fairly charismatic christian background and some parts of it I really miss but it seems these days there is some pretty crazy stuff going on in the corporate church. There is a " revival " going on in the states right now that is getting alot of attention. Im a fairly sceptical person when it comes to any sort of big tv evangelist type event but I thought this guy seemed different. Acctually he looks alot like me when I shave my head. He comes from a rough background and i think he met god while he was in jail. Good sounding story and hes from abbotsford and hes really into impartation of the holy spirit which seemed good compared to the tv healer that uses his gifting for his own bussiness. But while I was watching him speak on line his audio kept screwing up and the voice that was coming out sounded demonic. It was acctually kinda creepy. The other thing he kept talking about was an Angel of healing. That was coming down to heal people and imparting the gifting. This didnt sound scriptural to me but im no scholar so I just left it alone asked a few people what they thought of the whole angel bit and forgot about it. But the momentum kept growing and more people where talking about it and my grandmother in law has been going to satelight meetings and my inlaws are getting wrapped up in it and so is the church they have been attending and they are believing in God that these miracles can happen to them. But Im not convinced that its God. Tavis called me yesterday and he had recieved some emailed stuff that addressed the whole Lakeland revival and it was pretty shocking and affirming all at the same time. Basically the guy who wrote the artical was taking issue with the angel and the impartation of the gift of healing. First his take on the Angel was that the guy talks to this angel and its name is emma. Which is wierd and I dont care where you come from. Also apperantley this is the English name for it and the really name comes from some eastern religion. The second thing was that the gift of healling is not for us to give to other people. I cant impart anything to anyone its all god. The  gift of the holy spirit is there for evferyone but is the gift of healling. So now Im thinking Which way is up? How can soemthign that seems so good be so off track

Im just plain.....

worn out these days. No blog post, no nothing. I was noticing that my last post was about rain and while its been better weather wise here it still feels like its raining. No energy, tired all the time feeling like things just arent really worth it. I usually start thinking about changin my hair style for some reason. Either shaving it or dying it or a combo of the two. just for something different. Amys mom is dying and there isnt anything that can be done. weve prayed and hoped and supported and believed but nothing has happened and its down to the short strokes. Everyone has there own take on it, and every one has an oppinion as to what could have been done different but it just doesnt seem like it matters. When its your time its your time. We have made an industry out of keeping people alive. Medicine to save us from diseases have been heralded as breakthroughs good for al man kind and then something like cancer arrives at the forefront and theres no ryhme or reason. Is it heredetary is it environmental is it just bad luck , and the answer would be yes and no to all three.Ive thought about people deserving cancer. "Oh he smoked a pack a day all his life he deserved to get cancer" Like i am the judge. Its just a bumer that my mother in law is going to die right when things seemed to be smoothing out in her life. They were pretty close to retirement spending their summers in the okanagan with Betsy and its all over. And God seems so far away. I cant even pick up my bible right now because I cant justify whats going on with anything that makes sense. I understand that God doesnt heal everyone and im ok with it just not ok with the suffering. No one deserves to suffer and I dont care what theyve done or failed to do. I thought that was part of the deal.