how much can you handle

why is it that we tend to think that life will be easy. Just when things get positive the heat seems to turn up. And all we can do is trust God. Trust him that he will give us the ability to make it through but then it seems to start over. Each time we grow a bit and can handle a little more but sometimes it doesnt feel like it till its over. And why is it that the people around you seem to make things harder. Quite often your best employee can give you the most grief or your relatives that should be the most supportive turn out to let you down the quickest. Time to buck up. Big shoulders for big loads.

Strange how things work.

Sometimes things just dont go as we think. I was struggling away trying to make a proper business out of my decking company and not able to get anything going. So i was looking around for something to do to supplement my income and I had the oppurtunity to do a siding job. Sam would probably interupt at this point to say i bsed my way into it which is apperantley something Im incredibly talented at but thats beside the point. ive never been afraid to take risk and learn something new so armed with confidence bordering on cockiness and the internet I decided to go at it. Part way through the job I was approched by a manager from a local exteriors company. Tom came and asked who we worked for. I said me. He said all these guys are working for you? Yep! which was not a lie. it was my job and they were all helping me out so i just didnt tell him that we were only looking at this as a one off job. He asked if we would be interested in subcontracting for some work. I said sure and we set up a meeting with the owners of sis at this time which was about the time i started to crap my pants. I arrived at the meeting pretty nervous and had three guys give me a head to toe look as I came through the door. They were pretty straight looking and i figured if nothing else I would at least get a coffee out of the deal. We talked for a bit and then the father looked at me and said we would really like to work with you. HUH! Do you have any idea how little experience I have. All with an inside voice and then the bs ability kicked in. Well how much do you guys pay? We pay 1.50 a square foot is that in the ball park? Well im getting more than that right now we are around 2.00. Oh really.......um well maybe we could work something out. We have some jobs already booked with that rate in labour but as we book more work we could try to up the rate so you get to where you want to be.
So we agree to try out a job and part ways. They didnt really have as much work as they had hoped but they keep throwing the odd little bit jobs our way but no siding. Finally they give us a house and we fly at it. by this time i have mostly new guys that have no siding experience. In 9 days we bust out this house and work our tails off but at the same time have some guys that are getting work experience and its pretty slow. The builder suggests to me that we should leave the decking and just side because we are really good at it. I tell him we have been thinking about it but cant book enough work to make it happen. He asks why we arent going to his next project? I tell him we are second in line for the jobs and #1 sis crew has the next start. I left out the part about it being our first job for sis and only our 4th job ever. He looks at me and says Im not having that other guy on my site! If this is the speed you work at and the quality you give I want you guys on my jobs. I just about choked. I said that i would love to do his jobs but it wasnt up to me so maybe the next one we would get. He said Nope, Ive got a meeting with those guys in 15 minutes and im going to tell them. Ohhhhh crap here we go, Im about to dive head first into a mess. But half an hour goes by and i get a call from tom the manager. Well rick Jason and I just had a meeting with dylan and He said your his guy so we have another house for you to start tomorrow or the day after the long weekend. !!!!!?????!!!!! Insane.
So im feeling pretty good about things and then today Tom comes up to me on the job and there are a few things he nit pick about the job but its all petty stuff. Almost like he has to find something and he tells me the winery job he had offered me decided to do stucco and I said no worrys I have some jobs coming up for myself that I can keep busy with. NO YOU DONT! He says, and then procedes to tell me that we are so much better than the other crew that they might not even give them anymore work. We are #1 for SIS. I dont think its just bs that made this happen. God plays a huge part in it for sure but confidece in the abilities hes given us is huge. Im a big guy. I wasnt made to sit ata desk. I can lift heavy things and get work done and God has lined up and oppurtunity for me and its mine to make the rest happen. Its increddible and i feel great and so fortunate and I hope to be responsible with what Ive been given and bless those around me the way Ive been blessed. We will see!

God is good?

I never know exactley what to do when something good happens. Is it God? Did he reward me for something I have been faithfull in? I have no problem giving God the glory and as I write that last bit i realize its not totally true because I like to think im pretty smart too. But if God is the creator of all things then should he not get the glory for the good things that happen to us. My next question is then is he not responsible for the bad then as well which leads me right back to my last post which wondered how you have a relationship with God in the first place.Tough stuff these days and yet i think God hooked me up the other day with more work. We were going to hit a three week lul and i was stressing out and then because of hard work and good quality we were demanded on the next project by the contractor who is building the house we are siding right now. We have only done this for 6 months at the most and we were requested above the #1 siding crew for SIS exteriors. Im still pretty proud and will therefore get cut down abit at some point but im riding the wave till then. I have always strived to be the best at whatever I do and while This may not make us the best siders in the valley it doesnt mean we arent last :)

just cause Ian asked

I havent blogged lately because i havent had much to say. since my mother in law passed away i havent really felt like pouring my heart into anything. Too much cranky to come out. Which is probably what has got me going again. That and the fact Ian was giving me the gears. My beef these day sis christianese. The next person that tells me God has a plan for whats going on will probably get a punch in the throat. I just cant handle the stupid things that people say to try to describe "christian" things. One of the last ones was someone said they needed to let God riegn over them. Which brings me to a tough question about our relationship with God. How do you have a relatioship with someone that rules over you. God didnt creat man so he had something to play with like his own reality game. he created us for a relationship. to converse with to have a life with. and then somehow we have turned it into this serious over rule. I could be missing it completely but i just dont see how i can have a relatioship with someone that is going to rule over me. i mean that seems impossible.

Rob Bell has nothing on Ian Smith

So Wednesday night is house church night and we have been working our way through the nooma series by Rob Bell which as controversial as his thoughts are other than Sam taking exception to Rob Bell opening his mouth no real good conversation has come out of most of it. Kind of just like going through the paces. So we watched the video, went through the questions and that was it. Then I got the idea to throw out soemthing that Ian had said earlier in the day. I believe in evolution just not the theory of evolution. Or something to that effect. It was great People got mad, people left the room, people got hung up on terminology and in the end it was really interesting. I was surprised that some dont believe the biblical account of creation. The find it easier to believe an evolution based account triggered by God. This was something I had never heard before but was pretty interested in. They could accept that the earth was formless and void and that in that area God had stirred things up and out of that something like the big bang or darwins theory of evolution had been born. Still giving all the credit to God for the creation of everything in Heaven and on earth but Not believing in a literal seven day creation story. Magnificent. I dont buy it myself but I thought that in itself was a pretty interesting vien of thought. I explained that the reason for Darwins original theory of evolution had been an attempt at establishing a creation of life on earth that was contrary to a God involved and also that much of the work poured into the theory of the big bang had also been motivated by attempts at disproving God as originator of life on earth. The thing that interests me is always whats the motivation behind the research. Quantum physics is struggling with the thought that no matter how much research they do there is something missing. And the same is happening in other scientific fields. No matter how far they go they keep coming to a point where it doesnt make sense. Much of darwins work on adaptation of species was right on and very ground breaking for its time and i think very relevent today. But the motivation was poor and when some one now states that they believe in evolution it has become a catch phrase that catagorizes you no different than claiming to be a christian or a budhist. There has to be a different way to define your self. Old terminology needs to be doen away with. What do you believe in? I believe in evolution. Means to people that you dont believe in Gods creation. But science has proven much of evolution to be true. And if you believe that God created all things then you believe that God created things to evolve and adapt. The frusteration came when discussing the bible and some people just could not get there heads around the old testament history and the parables of the new testament. I tried to explain that there many truths in the old testament that were good to know wether we belived in the validity of the scriptures. the foods that were forbiden were even untill recent years still known to carry disease and while the new covenant abolished the food issues maybe still we would be better off without pork and tuna from a health perspective. And also the hair braiding beard growing tattooing makeup wearing stuff. What if we hadnt adopted these things into our culture. Remove vanity fromour society today and how different would it look. We would be less concerned about how we looked and possibly have more time for what surounds us. So in looking at some of these things It makes me take the old testamnet seriously and the parables in the new testament while they were used to speak to uneducated people that didnt have our advancements in technology they are still good solid truths for us to live by 2000 years later. It ended up just two of us at the end and we were discussing how people that dont know God do good things. My perspective was that God can do good through all people because he created us all. but when we enter into a relationship with him we give him the use of all our time to do good things. And if we know good people then why wouldnt we want them to have a relationship with God because it would give more purpose to their lives and give glory to God. I could go on and on but thats the coles notes and I hope that a good blogg post is as entertaining as my messy ones. :)

?????

These days im frusterated. Not even completely sure why just iritated and feel like pickin a fight with someone. Lots of good things are happening these days work has picked up and we are making money finally. Amys mom has had a huge turn around and might acctually come home from the hospice which is a miracle in itself. Everyone is healthy and enjoying the sun and high temps it almost doesnt seem like i could possible feel frusterated. And yet Im fighting myself I think this whole revival thing in lakeland and the way it has spread across the country seems so good on the outside but so wierd at it heart. And yet people are recieving miracles and what is happening to Amys mom is somewhat born out of this whole thing. Churches all across Canada and the states are jumping on the revival band wagon, holding satelite meetings and sending out elders and pastors to recieve the annointing and bring it back. The thing thats getting me is that for the last couple of years i have really desired to see a major move of God. I remember when i was in high school a fellow had come to the school and church and major spiritual acctivity was happening and it was undeniable as to what was going onpeople where getting healed. But now I have to wonder what made that great memory moment in my life any different than lakeland? I cant remember who the guy was. I do remeber people laughing uncontrolablly and falling down but no barking like dogs and shrieking like they were being crucified. I even had an experience myself where i just couldnt stop laughing I was just so happy i couldnt stop laughing. I think the irritation comes from not having a higher intellect to pick. Someone who is wise beyond years I guess that has seen it all. I have lots of friends but they are all into questioning the fundamentals these days. I believe that we need to look at soem things differentley, Like our attitudes towards the world around us and how we relate to nonchristians. I think we need to take the judgement of others sins out of our lives and leave it up to God more. We need to be wise to protect our families from harm but also open to taking a risk on Gods behalf. These are things I feel like have been lacking in the past but I have also noticed people really making efforts to correct them today and I feel encouraged by them. But not so much in my own little community. the progressive change is being overshadowed by this whole new age type movement in christianity. Really the lakeland revival isnt anydifferent than middle eastern style spirit guides and mysticism. The friends that I share a faith with seem more interested in pointing out what is wrong with our faith than charting a course with what is right. WE ARE STAGNANTE! There is only one couple that coems on wednesday night that isnt related to me somehow and my living room is full and has no room for people that might want to come. And I feel like kicking people out! Like asking them to leave so peoplethat really are interested in moving forward have somewhere to sit. And yet each week they all show up again and I dont even understand why. Im not interested in putting too much thought into my faith. If I have to reason it out then its not faith. For faith there is some stuff we will have to accept weather we understand it or not. I dont care if the bible is parable or not. Its the only book we have. I dont even feel the need to think about ends times because the end is coming for me and i have no control over that. If ive made the wrong choice in my faith I wont get to find that out untill the end anyhow and then its too late. I dont believe I have but Im also not going to stress out about my decision. this is pretty rambly and speratic thought but I often feel better trying to type out whats in my mind. And when your not trying to explain it to soemone so that they understand you its less frusterating. I try to never reply to a comment because then I have to discuss it and thats not why I blogg. I do it to get the thoughts out. Kinda like a modern day journal that others can read. And i do like the comments its kindof a passive interactition that doesnt require alot of effort. Funny I feel better already :)

Are we just blind?

Ive been thinking alot lately. Not that I dont think most of the time but given whats been going on these days I have lots to think about. I came from a fairly charismatic christian background and some parts of it I really miss but it seems these days there is some pretty crazy stuff going on in the corporate church. There is a " revival " going on in the states right now that is getting alot of attention. Im a fairly sceptical person when it comes to any sort of big tv evangelist type event but I thought this guy seemed different. Acctually he looks alot like me when I shave my head. He comes from a rough background and i think he met god while he was in jail. Good sounding story and hes from abbotsford and hes really into impartation of the holy spirit which seemed good compared to the tv healer that uses his gifting for his own bussiness. But while I was watching him speak on line his audio kept screwing up and the voice that was coming out sounded demonic. It was acctually kinda creepy. The other thing he kept talking about was an Angel of healing. That was coming down to heal people and imparting the gifting. This didnt sound scriptural to me but im no scholar so I just left it alone asked a few people what they thought of the whole angel bit and forgot about it. But the momentum kept growing and more people where talking about it and my grandmother in law has been going to satelight meetings and my inlaws are getting wrapped up in it and so is the church they have been attending and they are believing in God that these miracles can happen to them. But Im not convinced that its God. Tavis called me yesterday and he had recieved some emailed stuff that addressed the whole Lakeland revival and it was pretty shocking and affirming all at the same time. Basically the guy who wrote the artical was taking issue with the angel and the impartation of the gift of healing. First his take on the Angel was that the guy talks to this angel and its name is emma. Which is wierd and I dont care where you come from. Also apperantley this is the English name for it and the really name comes from some eastern religion. The second thing was that the gift of healling is not for us to give to other people. I cant impart anything to anyone its all god. The  gift of the holy spirit is there for evferyone but is the gift of healling. So now Im thinking Which way is up? How can soemthign that seems so good be so off track

Im just plain.....

worn out these days. No blog post, no nothing. I was noticing that my last post was about rain and while its been better weather wise here it still feels like its raining. No energy, tired all the time feeling like things just arent really worth it. I usually start thinking about changin my hair style for some reason. Either shaving it or dying it or a combo of the two. just for something different. Amys mom is dying and there isnt anything that can be done. weve prayed and hoped and supported and believed but nothing has happened and its down to the short strokes. Everyone has there own take on it, and every one has an oppinion as to what could have been done different but it just doesnt seem like it matters. When its your time its your time. We have made an industry out of keeping people alive. Medicine to save us from diseases have been heralded as breakthroughs good for al man kind and then something like cancer arrives at the forefront and theres no ryhme or reason. Is it heredetary is it environmental is it just bad luck , and the answer would be yes and no to all three.Ive thought about people deserving cancer. "Oh he smoked a pack a day all his life he deserved to get cancer" Like i am the judge. Its just a bumer that my mother in law is going to die right when things seemed to be smoothing out in her life. They were pretty close to retirement spending their summers in the okanagan with Betsy and its all over. And God seems so far away. I cant even pick up my bible right now because I cant justify whats going on with anything that makes sense. I understand that God doesnt heal everyone and im ok with it just not ok with the suffering. No one deserves to suffer and I dont care what theyve done or failed to do. I thought that was part of the deal.

Why.....

is it raining? Im not so sure i can handle anymore crappy weather. We have lots of work and we need to get it doen but I cant do it when its raining. I would just sell my house and move to mexico if i could work down there but 7 bucks a day isnt going to cut it. Maybe I should go to med school in antigua. Not nearly smart enough or dedicated enough to education for that but the pictures sure look good. Maybe Dad would pay me to keep the guys away from heather. That is somethign I will ahve to discuss with him. Bodyguard for my little sister....... YEs Ill call right now. Seriously though this spring is depressing. Its time for some good weather because its even to wet for the veggies in my garden. They havent seen the sun in days.Peas were sprouting beets and radishes were coming up and now they are just standing there like" Hey where did the sun go". Oh well at least it cant continue forever but its wrecking my tan.

The agony..

Sometimes in life you feel like the carpet gets pulled out from beneath you. You are sitting around discussing things with your friends when all of a sudden you hit on a subject and you realize that you arent on the same page. And its major stuff. Its not who your hockey teams are or which is your favorite fly for night fishing for brown trout. Its faith and God and these are the people you share your life with and now yuo are floored because not only do you not agree but one of you is very very wrong. And it doesnt really matter to you that you are the one thats right but it worries you that they could be wrong and this is bad stuff. This is foundational stuff that could lead to no more hanging out having these very discussions. And you sleep on it and you wake up the next morning and you are low. Just completly in a fog and no amount of coffee is bringing you out of this. Its all you can think about it consumes your day and you need soemone to talk to and you need them to talk back because you really want answers. And not feelings or thoughts concrete stake your life on them answers. And there is no one. You dont want the answers of your youth. You dont want the ideas of your friends and it feels like God cant speak fast enough or clear enough to sort it out for you. You feel like a lonely naked man standing in an open field. There is no where to hide no where to run and all you can do is sink to the ground and lie there. And then some one sees you and they ask whats wrong and you dont tell them but they offer to pray for you and there ok with not knowing why they just want to pray for you later when they are going to bed. And you look at the and say ok and the next day you wake up and you have a great day. You get some relief and you give your time to a worthy cause and the people around you are blessed and the pressure lifts and your still that lonely naked man but you dont feel like you cant stand up. Meybe you have a fig leaf or something but your not as naked feeling. And then you see soem of your friends and you want to talk to them about it but you realize that what you feel and how it would come out would probably make them not be your friend any more or maybe your spouse. And so you leave it alone for now and you try to just be friends but you know that its between you. And you wonder if it will ever be the same?

An adventure in the last of winter.

So this story would be way better with pictures but for once i didnt have a camera with me. Also didnt have my truck which is where i always have the camera. We drove up to missezula lake to drop off a friends fifth wheel for the camping season. Me Tavis Bob Isaac And Betsy. We dropped the trailer and went to bobs property to work on grandmas fifth wheel because she has roof leaks that are creating mold in the roof. It started raining so all I could do was expose the roof areas on the inside and get them drying out. We had some hot dogs with the kids and hung out for a bit. Bob took betsy and isaac for a big walk to the lake and throwing rocks into the creek. Tavis and I tried to come up with different ideas for a cabin for grandma. All was well and we decided to head out around four thirty. Tavis wanted to go out the back which is pretty much a 4x4 route to the connecter and then down to peachland. We started up and it was not to bad. I remember bob saying" oh we hit snow already that cant be good". We continued on and there was mixed snow and dirt on the road a little slippery in spots but nothing major. We came up a little hill and there was more snow annd it was melty and thick. Tavis took his foot off the gas fopr a second and that was all it took for us to get stuck. We got out and checked the road ahead Tavis figured that if we could get ahead a few hundred meters then we would be in the clear and pretty close to where the dirt road conected to the main logging road. We had to go back and get a bit of a run at it to see if we could make it. So Bob and i pushed and Tavis drove. As he was going back the front end hooked up in about eighteen inches of old grainy icy snow and it tracked the front end right into the ditch. So Heres the scene. A full sized extra cab dodge diesel. One front wheel burried in the ditch. opposite rear wheel about a foot off the ground. Middle of the truck high centred on the ground. About an dhour walk back to camp with no celll reception and two kids that are probably tired from the adventure so far. so we try to figure it out. one guy walks back to try to get help. the rest stay with the truck. two guys go back one stays. We all just head back together. I prayed little god we need a hand here prayers. And the truck just sat there. I figured we should try to get it out which seemed like a bit of a waste of time but we had about 3 hours of light left so if we tried for half an hour we could still walk out in the light no problem. We tried a few things and had a bit of success but nothing major. moved a few inche sand a few inche loser to putting the rear side tire in the ditch as well. God we really need some help here we have our kids with us and this is not a good situation. we had come to the end of our ideas for trying to get out and it looked like we were going to walk again. I had managed to stay pretty dry to this point and was trying not to get my jeans dirty. I remembered my friend Duane and i getting high centred in some really deep snow hunting one year and having to sleepin the truck. We had to get under the truck and dig the snow out to get enough weight to get the tires on the ground. so I got down on my hands and knees and took off my hoodie and with my hammer started excavating the bottom of the truck. I cleared everything away and saw where the front differential was stuck in the dirt. we couldnt dig it out dut maybe if we went up with the wheel then it would clear. so we found soem bigger flatter rocks and managed to move the trcu about eight inches in the right direction. We kep at it for about another half hour with mixed success but each time it worked we went another few inches or a foot and the rear wheels were tracking back onto the road. Picture me bouncing as hard as i could on the very corner of the bumper which was way up in the air. Like a gorilla finally we got some traction and the truck shot back. i went flying off whic was way better than going face first into the back of the truck and loosing some teeth. and we were excited but more stuck on the front end. It was looking more hopeless because we had got hung up worse. I was feeling a little frustrated with the whole thing. I mean really God if you were going to help us couldnt you have done it by now. i was pretty much soaked from the waste down now. my fancy america eagle jeans were a mess. And then it came to me. move the truck ahead a bit. Thats sounds stupid. Go farther into the ditch. Ohhh I see. so i got tavis to put one of our big flat rocks under the front tire. BOB inched it onto the big rock and we had created space between the differential and the ground. We wedged another big flat rock behind the wheel and crawled it back a foot. good ground to make up. we did it again but this time built more of a ramp out with rocks and with tavis and i pushing went at it. we had to clear out a few of the other tires but the important one was now getting un impeded grip on the rocks. Tavis and i got it all ready and bob started giving it gas. we pushed our last bit of energy into the front of the truck and it started going sudnely all four wheels grabbed and the truck went shooting back. spraying me from head to toe with mud snow and rocks. it was gross. i had snow melting in my hair. i was covered in dirt and i had taked a couple of rock so the shin. But it was like coming fully alive for an instant. Both hands in the air WHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!. We were out. Thank you GOD! We backed out the way we had come in untill we could turn around and then headed back to camp and out on the regular road. got home around 10 30 to an unimpressed wife but I was ok with it. No Big miracle happened. No levitating trucks. help from a passer by that just happened along our path. nothing like that. But we had persevered and goteen out with some crazy ingenuity and it was like God was there the whole time watching over you and giving little nudges but wanting you to do it yourself. Character building. I felt like i wanted to put the truck in the ditch again just to see if we could do it faster this time. The kids wer modle citizens through all this no whinning no crying just awesome. I got to sit in the back with betsy on the long ride home and although the dirt road was making me car sick it was great. she snuggled up beside me and it felt like this is what I was made for. Big shoulders for pushing and moving rocks. A certain amount of cockyness that wont let me back down from the challege and a big heart that still isnt big enough to hold all the love for other people. Challenges make you take stock. Tavis and i had been talking about satisfaction with where you are at about half an hour before the adventure started. We were trying to figure out if having a house and a nice truck and a family and jobs and making money was how the world defines satisfaction and you have all of it but you still arent satisfied with life what are you missing. Tavis and i have been connected by God for something. Weve had multiple words from people that we are moses and aaron. But it seems like whenever we start down a path no one seems to agree with our direction. Half the time we dont agree with each other. but we always seem to come to compromise or understanding of the othe guys point of view. But maybe its for us to just get down in the dirt and start pushing. Moving rocks and jumping on bumpers. stepping back and strategizing and then hitting it with all you have again. And not giving up. Ever!Maybe Satisfaction will only be a fleating moment a small victory at a time and then back at it. The moment after one of those victories is so fresh. You feel mighty. Like there is nothing in the world you cant do. And then reality is a 3 hour drive home soaking wet. But your little girl is there looking up at you and smiling and hugging your arm because your are the greatest thing in her small world. Maybe thats where satisfaction should come from. A life well done as opposed to a job.

A Day Off

Today Im taking a day off. Acctually I have to do a bit off work this morning but then im going camping. Just over night but still getting away for a day is good. We are going to the property we were given to check it out and Tavis and Miranda and the kids are coming and Karen and John will come up later tonight. Its good to take time up there No TV, No Cell phones, No Computers. Just campfires and walks and messing around. Take a day off !

On hiatus

Not even sure if thats how you spell hiatus? but it sounded good in my head. So far my search for summer has been somewhat delayed. Snow in april doesnt make for a summerland. Its funny how weather can make you disgruntled with the place you live. Lack of sunshine has me considering a crash diet so i can fit in Heathers suit case. I also have a bum angle/foot at the moment. I woke up and my foot hurt but when i stood up everything was fine. Walked around town with prince and everything was fine. woke up yesterday morning and almost fell down the pain was so bad. worked all day up and down ladders and as long as I was on the foot and moving it was better. Went to bed and had to swing myself down the stairs because it was even worse. Once i got going it was a bit better but still worse than yesterday. very wierd. So my thought for yeaterday which i shared with will last night was that we know a young fellow that has been raised in a christian home with homeschooling i think and now that he has graduated and headed off to college he has turned into an "atheist". I ve heard from a few people that they are worried about the fellow and all day yesterday all I could think at work was a bout this guy and how good it was going to be when he came back to a relationship with God. Probably pondered it for a couple of hours. And I think its because when he does come back he will have his own relationship with God. You cant deny God when you know him. A Fellow named Larry was preaching and he shared a bit of his testimony and said when youve wondered off from god even hanging out with your friends isnt fun. Will and I agreed that people that we have known that have followed the same path alwys feel the need to discuss and argue their point of view. They arent comfortable with it. They cant handle the fact that they could be wrong because they are coming from a place where they feel they were wrong once already. Its funny. I couldnt help but feel that parents have their identity wrapped up in how their children turn out. Raise up a child in the way and when they get older they will not depart from it. Im not sure that that means they arent going to venture off for a while. I ventured quite a ways but like Larry said something is just not right and you never feel settled. I dont feel very settled these days but for a different reason. I have a lot of questions these days and no real answer manual. So theres lots of praying lots of bible reading and lots of wrestling and its fun. I think thats the difference. Its an exciting journey. And I feel excited for the young fellow as well because hes going through aprocess and no matter how long it takes when he gets through it he will have the sweetest revelation for himself. Might take till he in his 80s but when it happens its good.

%@#$ SNOW!

That was pretty much my reception for this morning. Al Gore can kiss my ass if he thinks we are experiencing global warming. Unbelievable! March 3rd! Might as well move to alberta again. Not really but it was a little surprising to see giants head with fresh snow on it and just a remnant on the grass in my yard. Im on a kick to try to get everyone I know to become self employed. I figure if everyone had time to set their own schedules then we would make more time for our community that surounds us instead of trudging off to our jobs every morning. Mondays Tavis and I have always tried to get together to pray to start the week and now Mark comes as well. i wish I could get more people out to do it but its a ways for some guys to travel. It seems to be the focus of whats going on in our little community. Making time for God. Some cool things have been coming out of the prayer. Our adoption course starting, work coming in, more openness with family and friends. Its pretty cool. makes you want to just hang out and fellowship with people. Good Times.

Here comes the sun....

Well it seems the cold is over somewhat here in the okanagan. We have had a couple of double digit days and i dont think its even getting frosty at night anymore. yeah!!!! Our adoption course starts next week and ive had a lot of calls about work this week so things are good. God is good! It really is strange how that works. Phillip Yancey says when you pray quite often your not sur eif God has answered your prayers but if you do it on a consistent basis you sure see alot more "coincidences". Ive never been that good at praying out loud because my thoughts are always so random. They never finish and are usually fragments. So if I have to pray out loud I lose my train of thought pretty easily or I cant think of the next word to finish the sentence. Maybe its practice. I had the opportunity to meet with a pastor yesterday and when we had finished chatting he said he would like to pray for me and whats going on these days. It was like he had pre written what he was going to say and it was long and legible. I was a little jealous but then I thought hes supposed to know how to pray! And now after thinking about it we all know how to pray its just like we all know how to talk. And praying is us talking to God. Reading the bible on the other hand is a trick I was reading recently that we didnt have verses and chapters untill the 1500s which made me wonder how did people before that time read the bible? And how would you preach a sermon if you didnt have verses to quote. You could only really preach on whole letters from the apostles because it would have to be referenced as to what was being said. You dont open any book and just grab two lines out of it and make that mean something. The whole wives obey your husbands would never be able to be preached as a male shovenist because you would have to read the whole thing. I didnt know there was a second part to that until I was 33. And what should "church" look like? Thats another one that messes with our current model. If we have designed our church services after early greek pagan ceremonies are we missing out on some important parts of our walk with God and others? We have a book full of teachings and it would seem we have very little true understanding as to what it really means. We have history in it. We have future in it. And then we have present. But where are the dividing lines. What is old law and what is new covenant? And does one really overrule the others? Lots of questions but few answers. and noone really does seem to have the answers. Strange.

A man shall leave his mother and.......

father and cleave to his wife and they shall become one flesh. Genesis 2:24. It is funny to me that we always use that bible reference at weddings. Not because I find it untrue. but because it has a sense of finality that seems to have been lost. We are so intertwined in one anothers lives that the only reall way to leave your father and mother is to move far away! I dont think that in the bible they had the luxury of packing up all there stuff and moving 1100 kilometers away to another city. I think they had a different respect for each other. I have had it pointed out to me many times that this or that woman has a jezebel spirit when they are being nosy or controlling. But what about men? What is the male equivelent of the same spirit? And why is it so hard for parents to stop pushing their view points as if they are the only ones that matter far after you have "fled the nest". It would seem that we have created some sort of soap opera monster. I know for some of you that might read this you will think " oh boy aaron had to spend too much time with his parents", but its not even me I was thinking about. Someone sayed to me they didnt understand why their son seemed to have such a hard time with them. He said" every time i tell him something you can see that he gets all uptight. Im not sure why that is but It something that hes going to have to work out." I said dont most boys have a problem with there fathers when they grow up and move out? And sure it is for him to deal with. But I think its more a case of him trying to figure out What he believes and what he wants to do. And in my head " and your not helping the situation." I was blessed with two Dads but to be honest still at 34 years old they have the ability to make me want to stop talking to both of them for long periods of time. I am pretty different than both of them in my religious views and a strange mix of their personalities. And it makes for awkward conversation most of the time because when you try to open up and be real you get solutions and fixits that generally focus on you being 10 and not keeping your room clean. We dont seperate Son from Married man, and i think its hurting father son relations. it doesnt say go cleave to your wife and then come home and be a kid again. When you left you were on your own inlife. Not that people arent still there for you but you are making your own life. You are 100% going to do things different than your parents because you have to. Otherwise you are a clone and we werent created for that. I recently had a chance to sit down and get to know someone and one of the first things he told me about himself was that he wasnt a yes man. I thought that was a strange way of describing yourself, but a few weeks later im still mulling it over. Am I a Yes man? I hope not to be and I think every man should get to the point when he stops being a yes man And starts being his own man. And I think that should happen when he moves out of the house. I once called home a while after moving out of the house and was getting a lecture about something that i had done im not even sure what it was but suddenly it dawned on me that I was paying by the minute to get into trouble! I cut dad off and said he wasnt aloud to lecture me on my dime and that if he wanted to give me unsolicitated advice he was going to have to call me. It just struck me as funny at the time and came back to me while i was talking to this father. maybe your son doesnt want the unsolicited advise. Hes heard it for the past however many years and now hes trying to figure out his path. Which brings me back to the whole spirit thing. is there any difference between the male and the female? Something to discuss I suppose.

An answer to prayer.....

About two weeks ago I was feeling pretty low about the adoption process. For those of you that might not know we have been involved in the adoption process for about 15 months. We had been told that we were very desireable candidates and first on the top of the list for people that they wanted to get through the program but it has seemed like every class we went to there were people that were farther along than us without meeting all the requirements that we had met and I had lost faith in the fact that God even wanted us to adopt. So I prayed about it. Just once and it was pretty frank and to the point. I told God that I didnt really feel like it was working out and that I wasnt even sure I really wanted to adopt anymore. But that it had been a pretty major thing for me to get to the point where I was even open to adopting. And I prayed that we would know by Sams wedding ( Feb 23 ). So the first week went by and nothing. At the start of the next week we got a letter about amy making up one session she had missed but that wasnt what I had been looking for so I wasnt satisfied that that was an answer. Also on Monday we were talking to one of the people that was a reference for me and they were saying that they hadnt quite finished the required reference forms but were just about done. I quickly calculated in my mind that even if they were done that evening and mailed it still wouldnt have made it in in time for the ministry to process them and move us to the next step because the government just doesnt work that fast ever. I figured it was over and I was kinda cross. A good friend of mine said every vision has a birth and a death and then God comes through. I thought your and idiot im not talking to you about this anymore! So Thursday morning I went to pick up a check and it wasnt ready and i was discouraged and tired of life and pulling back up to my house I thought to myself man some days God just doesnt come through. No sooner had the thought crossed my mind and I mean the very second. My cell phone rings and its Amy. " Linda just called from the ministry and she wants to start our home study. !!??!!??!! I didnt know if i was going to laugh or cry! It was an amazing feeling. I was still discouraged about the check I was happy about the phone call I was embarrased for doubting God just too many emotions. So i did what I always I laughed! It was an amazing lesson and almost felt like someone putting there hand on your shoulder and saying its ok. I am still here and im working on things. Unfortunatlly the person He seems to work on the most is me, or so it would seem when your the person going through it. Im sharing this because I receltly read a really good book and one of the points that jumped out at me was testimony breeds testimony. When something good happens you should tell everyone because that will encourage them to have faith. So...Have faith :)

Crash

Well that is officially the end of my cleanse. I packed it in today after five days of misery. i had another really low day today we went down to the park and I threw the stick for prince for awhile just about had to have a nap when I was done. I was really lathargic and spacey and after talking to Tavis and Miranda decided that it probably wasnt going to work thid week with all the stuff going on so I had some dinner. It was still really hard because the weight loss payoff is huge but if i cant work then its not really going to make any sense. On the brighter side tavis and Mir are looking at a piece of land on the baja which could facilitate my attempt at avoiding snow in the next few years. Could be fun!

Piture this

Me.... with my shirt puller up over my head....... running around like I just scored a world cup goal! Ugly I know but that is about how I feel right now. I just weighed myself and I was 269lbs. Which is great because I made it through the day today and didnt crash. And Im down 6 lbs in 4 days. Fantastic! On the down side I had tea with a guy today that really made me think. Hes a couple of years younger than I am and at the exact same place I was about five years ago. Hes an environmental christian! Grew up in a christian family got "saved" in sunday school. Goes to the church that his parents go to because he would rather go than put up with the hassel as to why he didnt come. And non of it is real. We talked and I wanted to tell him lots of things but in the end it wouldnt help because its just my walk. It doesnt matter for him because its not his shoes. You just want to put your arm around the guy and help him walk through it but until he decides he wants it for himself it wont help. So after offering some bits of advice all I could do was invite him for dinner some night if he feels like making the drive to summerland. I agonized about it on the way home wishing there was a nugget of wisdom I could have dropped on him that would have made all the difference in his world but there wasnt. It makes me not want Betsy to grow up in the church. Almost would seem better if she had to make her own choice at eighteen. So that it would be her choice her relationship with God her path to walk. I dont know.........

Tired

Well another day down only 7 more to go but if there are like today im dead! I flushed this morning and then headed over to naramata to look at a new job. I was feeling pretty good but the cold seemed to bother me more than usual. on the way back I realized today would be a great day to have a boozy coffee and some chicken wings but I wasnt eating. It is no fun when your not eating and you have free time. As the day went on I was getting more tired and just wanting to have some food. I love food and cooking and its really crappy when you cant even entertain properly. I made some rice paper wraps with some dip, but I couldnt seem to get into a groove to make anything else because I didnt want to think about food. And Im tired of lemon and cayenne and syrup. Its not that bad but its boring after you drink 3 liters a day. My only hope is that people say after 3 days your in the clear as far as food cravings are conserned. But i have to have more energy if we are going to be busier. The Highlight of the day though was Mark and Heather and Katie showing up when they got to town. Its always nice when friends come back. Im very excited to have them back. Now we need to find Mark a job and maybe help him get the rest of his stuff back from Kitimat which might involve a quick trip to go steelheading. Well im 272lbs today and im going to drink my tea and put my sorry ass to bed because im done!

Another day another cup of tea

So today saw the first weight change down 2 lbs to 273 which is a small victory in its self. But The real issue today was coffee headaches. Its surprising how much affect coffee has on us. I dont get headaches very often at all and if I do they never last but today was wicked. I wasnt sure if I could take an asprin so i tried to tough it out most of the day but in the end I succumed to the pain. I was shaky as well which makes me think that maybe Ill stay off coffee. The salt water flush did its thing this morning which was good because I was a little worried about toxin build up if it wasnt going to work. Tomorrow is supposed to be the killer a far as food is concerned and then down hill after that.
On a very positive note at the end of our little group kast night I prayed that sam and I would start getting more work and today I got two calls and landed one of the jobs and am going to look at the other tomorrow as well as a contractor that we have done a couple of decks for in the past called to say he would have one ready at the end of march. I should have maybe prayed for work alittle sooner. I had been trying not to ask for things when I prayed these days just prayers of thanksgiving instead of always showing up with a shopping list but God does want to bless us so I maybe need to rethink the strategy. The countdown is on for Sams wedding and our Good friends Mark and Heather should be back from Kitimat tomorrow. very exciting! Oh yeah and I think my sister is back from antigua today or maybe tomorrow which is cool too!

The good the bad and no ugly

So day one is over. I am once again sipping a cup of Bija laxative tea and planning on going to bed soon. I am still 275 lbs which seems impossible because i had to pee every half hour it seemd like. The tea didnt do much for me in fact maybe had the other affect but it is only day one so we shall see. On the bright side it was out small group night tonight and things were kinda tense. People were actually a bit put off by the alpha series last week because the videos seemed too basic, which threw Amy and I for a bit of a loop and left us wondering what now. So some people were late and a couple couldnt make it but we decided to sit down and discuss a vision for what we should do over the next few weeks. I shared mostly that I felt God nudging us to do something instead of the usuall nothing and I shared where I was coming from in wanting to facilitate a time in our lives where we got together with God as a focus instead of happy hour or a reno party. Time to listen and hear God and talk to each other. It seems to have been the right thing to do because at the end we decided we would do the alpha videos and just see where things went after that. It was a huge weight off my shoulder because I felt like the Alpha videos where an opportunity to review our foundations and wrestle with some of the finer points so that we could move on all on board at the same place. I didnt have any plan B! Thankyou to those of you that have been praying for us I think tonight was a hurdle to our moving forward for better things and we were able to get over it. :)

Im am not hungry! I am not hungry! I am not hungry!

Wow Im not very far into this and already ive noticed I have really bad eating habits. I keep going to look for food because im bored. I havent had anything to eat since last night dinner so I would say I kinda feel hungry so I just keep drinking my lemon drink and I seem to be doing fine. I do feel abit funny though almost like a fuzzy or vibrating feeling over my body. Maybe from the syrup? Or the cayenne? but Im doing OK and I havent started to get cranky yet from the no food which IM sure will come right around 6 tonight when I make dinner for our little house group.

And so the cleanse begins

I had mentioned a few days ago that I was considering a cleanse and have decided to give it a go. I am starting at 275lbs on our home scale which i think is wrong because i was quite a bit more at the doctors office the other day but we will go with the house one because im not going back to the doctors evertime I want to way myself. I am drinking my laxative tea right now befor bed to get things going and in th emorning it will be salt water followed by lemon drink. I will keep you posted

A poem for our christianity?

Currently this is my favorite poem.......



The Calf-Path
Sam Walter Foss (1858 -1911)

One day, through the primeval wood,A calf walked home, as good calves should;
But made a trail all bent askew,A crooked trail as all calves do.
Since then two hundred years have fled,And, I infer, the calf is dead.
But still he left behind his trail,And thereby hangs my moral tale.
The trail was taken up next dayBy a lone dog that passed that way;
And then a wise bell-wether sheepPursued the trail o'er vale and steep,
And drew the flock behind him, too,As good bell-wethers always do.
And from that day, o'er hill and glade,Through those old woods a path was made.
And many men wound in and out,And dodged, and turned, and bent about;
And uttered words of righteous wrath,Because 'twas such a crooked path.
But still they followed - do not laugh -The first migration of that calf.
And through this winding wood-way stalked,Because he wobbled when he walked.
This forest path became a lane,That bent, and turned, and turned again.
This crooked lane became a road,Where many a poor horse with his load,
Toiled on beneath the burning sun,And traveled some three miles in one.
And thus a century and a half,They trod the footsteps of that calf.
The years passed on in swiftness fleet,The road became a village street;
And this, before men were aware,A city's crowded thoroughfare;
And soon the central street was this,Of a renowned metropolis;
And men two centuries and a half,Trod the footsteps of that calf.
Each day a hundred thousand rout,Followed the zigzag calf about;
And o'er his crooked journey went,The traffic of a continent.
A hundred thousand men were led,By one calf near three centuries dead.
They followed still his crooked way,And lost one hundred years a day;
For thus such reverence is lent,To well-established precedent.
A moral lesson this might teach,Were I ordained and called to preach;
For men are prone to go it blind,Along the calf-paths of the mind;
And work away from sun to sun,To do what other men have done.
They follow in the beaten track,And out and in, and forth and back,
And still their devious course pursue,To keep the path that others do.
But how the wise old wood-gods laugh,Who saw the first primeval calf !
Ah ! many things this tale might teach - But I am not ordained to preach.

But I dont want to have church......

Sounds like the beggining of a 5 year olds rant on Sunday Morning doesnt it. Ive spent lots of time going to "church" and like most people have defined church as a place and a time during my week of other things to do. Do you think God laughs at us? God in my understanding is hard to define hes everywhere, He knows everything, hes in everything. Ive had two seperate sermons lately that have come my way. One i bought and one given to me from oposite ends of my personal religious spectrum that have both talked about how quantum physacists are finding that no matter how far down they break matter they cant find the end. They are being forced to have faith and believe that things are the way they say they are. That at the end of it all there is this energy that cant be defined. We define everything in life we define church, and we define being a christian, and we even try to define God. ( Or what God is like) So I have defined church and my definition is getting blown to pieces daily. I met with a wise old man last week ( he probably wouldnt abmit to being either and hes not really old but he is much wiser than I) and during our talk I realized that that A: I have some issues from my past ( who doesnt ) B: I might have started a church! I kept saying i didnt want to have a house church i didnt even want to call anything church and i was informed it was basically too late. I imagine God laughing at this point because he has an awesome sense of humour or id be dead already.
You see we started having a bible study. I didnt want to call it a bible study. I didnt want to have it on wednesday because thats when most bible study/ house groups meet. I didnt really want anything more than to gather a group of people in my home for the oportunity to build relationships with god as the focus of those relationships. "Sounds like a church" is what i was told. " But I dont really have any intereste in starting a church. I dont see myself as a pastor." "Yeah thats what I said", He told me.
It would seem to come down to interpreting what a church is. For so much of my life church has been a building on the corner of east georgia street in vancouver. A pastor was someone that had a fulltime paid position to feed the flock so to speak. (Boy that sounds religious!) But what im discovering for myself is that there are many different ways to do church. The church in the bible was people. They met in houses. Being pastoral was a calling, Different from being a teacher, a profit, a healer. All giftings that the people need to function as a whole. Im not very musical so I deffinetly wouldnt be in charge of leading a worship service but that doesnt meen that God cant put a song on my heart. Im also not very scholarly and that doesnt limit me from having something good to say. So I started a church. And that scares me to death! I feel responsible for other peoples well being now. What if I disapoint them. What if I offend them. What if Im wrong!!!
Its so funny that God puts something on your heart and you start to make it your own. My last three statments revolve around I. As though it really all started with me. God said do it! I did it. I wanted to know who to invite God said these people! Then he added another when I finally decided to listen. And now I have to make one more phone call because hes Given me another name. The one person I really wanted to see come isnt really that interested in coming right now. People even had to be told they couldnt come and that was frightening. How do you tell someone they cant come to your house to fellowship with everyone for the sake of some of the people you feel God wants to be there? All very wierd new concepts and feelings for me.
So hear I sit slowly typing it out. Its hard to discuss where your at because I would never have got this all out in a conversation without having to clarify or defend or justify. Its not about defending Because God can defend himself. And my only justification is God said so that really turns it all back to him. I am now part of a church. It meets at my house on wednesday nights and we start with dinner we dont yet have a worship service but that might come. We have watched a couple of videos and had a good time to discuss. And other than that we are open to anything that God has for us. We arent even sure what to do this wednesday night! Seeing as there have been only two people checking out my blog and im related to both of them makes it easier to pour out what Im going through without being afraid of what they have to say. And thats something ill have to get over. I have to learn to be more transparent with people and take the critisism to God and let him direct it. Whoooooooo...... what a journey!

To cleanse or not to cleanse

I am considering the master cleanse as a kick off to my attempt at getting back in shape. For those that dont know what the cleanse entails you start with a laxative tea the first night. ( Im told you dont want to mess with a senna tea it will make your night somewhat uncomfortable) The next morning you have a half liter of lukewarm water with 2 teaspoons of seasalt disolved in it to start your day and then you make a lemon drink equal parts lemon juice to pure maple syrup mixed with water and a pinch of cayenne pepper. Your allowed some caffiene free mint tea but thats basically it till your laxative tea befor bed. 10 days later you should have lost about 20 pounds but also detoxified your body and cleansed your colon which who doesnt need that!?! I guess the real question is when to start? I hava a wedding to go to in about 2 weeks so i want to be done by then. Ill take some before picture which will probably be worse than Heathers cadaver photos but its all for interest sake.

The begining of my Quest

So i decided i would blog because i really liked being able to look at my siblings blogs and thought it would be a great way to stay in touch over distances. I also figured it was a great way to chronicle my quest to avoid the cold wet stuff. This year has been a complete failure at avoiding the snow as it has been the snowiest yet for us in summerland. Theres always next year!