Im just plain.....

worn out these days. No blog post, no nothing. I was noticing that my last post was about rain and while its been better weather wise here it still feels like its raining. No energy, tired all the time feeling like things just arent really worth it. I usually start thinking about changin my hair style for some reason. Either shaving it or dying it or a combo of the two. just for something different. Amys mom is dying and there isnt anything that can be done. weve prayed and hoped and supported and believed but nothing has happened and its down to the short strokes. Everyone has there own take on it, and every one has an oppinion as to what could have been done different but it just doesnt seem like it matters. When its your time its your time. We have made an industry out of keeping people alive. Medicine to save us from diseases have been heralded as breakthroughs good for al man kind and then something like cancer arrives at the forefront and theres no ryhme or reason. Is it heredetary is it environmental is it just bad luck , and the answer would be yes and no to all three.Ive thought about people deserving cancer. "Oh he smoked a pack a day all his life he deserved to get cancer" Like i am the judge. Its just a bumer that my mother in law is going to die right when things seemed to be smoothing out in her life. They were pretty close to retirement spending their summers in the okanagan with Betsy and its all over. And God seems so far away. I cant even pick up my bible right now because I cant justify whats going on with anything that makes sense. I understand that God doesnt heal everyone and im ok with it just not ok with the suffering. No one deserves to suffer and I dont care what theyve done or failed to do. I thought that was part of the deal.